………..My surprise in this man didn’t end there……my man has a way of coming out with shit at the most unexpected times that softens my heart and makes me wonder how we can go so wrong sometimes….he actually said something to me that put me in place…just a little bit…because I knew the weight of the words he spoke…the truth was light even though the heart was still heavy….….
“you will probably talk to him more now……”
Yes, yes I probably will, and I will be forever grateful as I feel him slide into my team on the other side, my spirit team who cares for me and guides me in this human journey of life….I feel it, already, and that has eased the confusion somewhat even though I haven’t stopped questioning it.
As I shift and process, still shocked, still questioning, still dumbstruck over the events, I’ve caught glimpses of communication here and there.
As I’ve said, I can feel him slide into my spirit team and I’m cool with that. Most of all I’m cool with though is being shown how unaware we are in the knowing of what we know…….it’s like even when we are ‘aware’ we are still so fucking unaware.
And I appreciate a good logical mind fuck as I know that exploration process leads me to an expansion….no matter how much it hurts.
My mind is a little fucked over how Heath has popped up in a prominent way when my man and I are struggling in the relationship department again….although I can tell you I would much rather he popped up in a series of email requests to see if he could call me up or pop in and visit me some time……..
My head is a little fucked that there was a heaviness to me on the weekend that he died, and I thought it was only related to the shock of being the ‘mum’ who instigated an arrest warrant on my eldest son, and now facing the possibility of separating from my man again…..…4 years to come back to the same spot fucks with you a little….., but I knew there was stuff I wasn’t aware of and choose to continually make sense of what I logically knew rather than feel for what was, feel for the energy, the truth of the energy.
Whilst I was thinking, feeling and knowing my truth, it was only part of it, and I see today just how dumb we are in the greater scheme or system of things. We play so small and so limited in our being, in our awareness, in our lives, that we get stuck so easily in the roles that we play, that we don’t dare look outside of the box that we we’ve already looked outside of…….
Ah, get it…..?
Even when we go outside of the box, we create other boxes, other limitations, logical limitations to keep us in. My understanding of this today, is that the logical mind can fuck right off, and instead, tap into the energy of your being, to the energy all around us, more and more, so that we can strip ourselves of the walls that we create even when we expand, expand, expand.
Our expansion is greater that we think it is, everything is, and I’m so grateful that I’ve come into this today. It hurts, the way that it’s come in, yet gratitude for it is the right way to process beyond it. I still don’t get it. I still don’t get why we have to go through this whole death thing, and to quote the phenomenal woman herself, P!NK, why it ‘Hurts 2B Human’…….but I do accept that I have a team in spirit, and that my team got bigger, a little more red hot, and a whole lot more peaceful today.
Forever and always in my heart, old friend.
8/12/1973 – 4/5/201
Author: Gemma Rose Green is a Psychic Intuitive Generation Healer, focusing on the mind, body, soul and spirit, & a Badass Life Coach, with a passion for family & generational healing. She is also an Author, Writer, Creator & Witch, dedicated to inspiring a healing revolution from within, promoting self & generational healing, through the power of voice & communication, accountability & acceptance.